Letter to Jah (4 years old)

Posted in Birthdays, Letters, my thoughts, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Dear Jah,

You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now. Your Papa is still in disbelief because it has suddenly hit him/ us that you will be entering Kindergarten in a month’s time. We long to rewind to the days where you were a little colicky baby or when you were just learning to take your first steps. Ok maybe not so far back..:)

Jah at 4 months old

First unassisted step at 9 months 3 weeks

But we know you are excited to grow up..you talk about entering Primary school and you talk about being 18 or 21. You talk about what you want to be when you grow up. Right now your dream profession is to be a clown. Yes I kid you not! You have gone from a ‘parachute pilot’ to an army soldier to finally a clown. Although you did mention last night that you wanted to be a teacher, just like me but your reason was so that we could go to school together. 🙂

You have become quite a book worm and a Star wars fan

Being 4 years old is proving to be a trying age for both you and your Papa and I. We absolutely love the conversations we have with you and your hilarious antics but sometimes things get a little out of hand. We love that you are so opinionated because it helps us to learn more about who you are but you are also starting to test the boundaries, push our buttons and well really really assert yourself. The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare to say the least because well apparently everything has to be Jah’s way or the highway. Oh wait a minute, Jah hasn’t come home for a few weeks now because he is climbing the beanstalk with Jack. Yes, you have assumed the identity of a little dog called Goldie and you have renamed my stuff dog ‘An’ (he used to be called Goldie). Yes you have become quite the drama king (in a rather cute and amusing way).

We love your tender heart and your need to make sure that everyone is taken care of. We love the compassion that you have and the way you seem to understand the world’s big issues in your own little innocent, compassionate 4 year old way.You are mature beyond your years. You have a level of maturity and magnitude for forgiveness that even some adults may not have. We lost your iPad this last week and instead of breaking down and throwing a tantrum like we would expect any 4 year old or even an adult to for that matter. You said these words in the sweetest kindest voice ever, “Its ok Papa, I think the birthday robber came and took my iPad. Its not your fault Papa, its ok.” Ironically we would probably have felt much better if you had just thrown a tantrum but in that moment it felt like our hearts weighed 1,000 tonnes. Perhaps because it was filled with guilt but bursting with pride all at the same time.

You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now.

But you will always be our little baby.

JahBella’s Mummy

5Nov2015

Jah’s Birth Story – 9 Nov 2011

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions by jahbella

I have always wanted to document Jah’s and Bella’s birth stories but never quite acted on that thought. To avoid any further procrastination and with the encouragement of some wonderful mummy bloggers who have recently done the same. I have decided that there is no better time to document Jah’s birth story than now, given that my little boy will be turning 4 in a few days.

The road leading up to my pregnancy with Jah was not the smoothest one, with 2 miscarriages and a lot of heart pain before we could finally got to ‘enjoy’ being pregnant with our first child. For that story, click here.

Jah at 4 months… on mummy’s birthday (2 June 2011)

While I was fortunate enough not to be plagued with horrible morning sickness, I basically had ‘whole day sickness’ till the 20^th week or so which pretty much stopped me from eating most things or anything. I didn’t puke but I also didn’t feel like eating anything at all. I didn’t put on any weight in my initial months of pregnancy but thankfully Jah continued to gain weight and he was a whooping 3.6kg (based on the scans) by the time we were at 36 weeks.

4D scan of Jah…:D

I know it looks abit scary…

But really fun to see his expression and imagine what he might look like..

So yes we were pretty eager to have him out, like most first time parents normally are (until they realize its really easier if they stayed in :p) Also because of an old back injury (fractured tailbone), I was very worried that my tailbone would snap again during labour if Jah turned out to be too big.

During the last few weeks leading up to the birth, we spent almost every visit asking/ convincing/ psychoing our gynae that perhaps we should consider a c-section or that perhaps we should induce the birth soon. On hindsight, I think it was not so much the fact that we wanted Jah out fast or that I was soooo worried about my old injury but more so because I’m just a total control freak who needed to know exactly when it was going to happen. Yes and I now know…it doesn’t work that way. :p

I honestly can’t for the life of me, remember exactly how it happened or why our gynae was suddenly for an induction but on the morning of 8 Nov 2011 (during a routine gynae appointment) at 38 weeks, our gynae decided that we could potentially consider an induction (if we wanted to). Oh we wanted to! This was perfect for my plan! I didn’t want that off chance that I might go into labour on 11 Nov 2011 (11/11/11) and be in a crowded hospital with lots of planned births. I really wanted to be discharged by then so that my child didn’t have to ‘fight it out’ in a crowded nursery. Yes control freak you say and yes such strange frivolous thoughts! The ‘Now-Me’ would have tried to slap some sense into the ‘Then-Me’.

We were told to come back later that night at 12 midnight for the induction. So off we went to prep the house with the final ‘touches’ (Joel was cleaning the house up till the very last minute before we left for the hospital). So no wonderful ‘last’ meal before the birth for us, we didn’t realize that we should probably have jumped at that chance for one ‘last’ leisurely meal. 😦

We turned up at 12 midnight at the hospital, did our registration and I was promptly sent to the observation ward to commence the induction process. I was given the first pill to kickstart the contraction process and was told to head to my room for some rest before ‘reporting’ at 5am again for the 2^nd pill (it was 2am by then). Both Joel and I were too excited to catch a wink and honestly I wish someone had told me about walking around to quicken the induction process.

I was given the 2^nd pill at 5am and then given some help to clear my bowels (ok we shall not go into details here). I was kept at the observation ward and the nurse would come every 1 to 2 hours to check on the state of my dilation. I was also put on an Oxytocin drip to help bring on the contractions and to help with the dilation process.

By 8am, I was only 1.5cm dilated and that’s when my gynae decided to go ahead and burst my waterbag, hoping that this would push me along (no pun intended). I was told that based on my progress, Jah should be out by 3pm.

The moment my gynae told me that he was going to burst my waterbag, I immediately requested for an epidural. I remembered reading that the contractions were going to be really painful without the cushion of a waterbag and I was also not going to take the chance of it being too late for an epidural (you can’t have one if you are more than 8cm dilated).

I was given my epidural about 45 minutes after they burst my waterbag. On hindsight, I probably should have just waited. The epidural gave me such horrible side effects for the next few hours that it was probably much worse than any labour contractions that I would have had to go through. I was shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t sit up or hold a proper conversation. In fact I couldn’t even sit up to vomit. Yes I was throwing up repeatedly. It was such an out of body experience and I truly felt like I was going to die or if not someone should just kill me because I was utterly miserable to say the least. I think Joel was equally miserable because all he could do was hold my hair while I put my guts out (it was mainly water because I hadn’t eaten since 10pm the night before).

By the time 3pm came around, I was only 4cm dilated but we were all still hopeful that we were not too long off from 10cm. I remember a furry of activities around me at about 530pm, nurses coming in and out and then my gynae rushing it to check on me. I thought that this was it..I must be 10cm dilated now. My gyane comes in and tells us that I was still only 4cm dilated and that we would need to do an emergency c-section because Jah was in distress and he was trying hard to come out but the dilation was not enough. Basically there was pressure forming at the top of his head from trying to force his way out and so they had to switch off the oxytocin, slow down the contractions and allow him to ‘take a break’. I was too tired and too out of it from the epidural side-effects to even care about whether it was a natural birth or a c-section. All I wanted was for it to be over and for Jah to be safely in our arms.

I was prepped for the emergency c-section and I remembered myself asking the nurse “what if I have to puke during the operation”? Thankfully I managed to, just before the operation started and it was smooth sailing thereafter. Joel joined me for the emergency c-section and I remembered him watching/ checking Jah as he was being weighed (3.745kg! – yes that skinny boy now was 3.745kg at birth). I remembered Jah being put on my chest after that and I remembered that breathless feeling…I’m not sure if it was from the 3.745kg weight on my chest or from the fact that he is now our responsibility 🙂

Fresh out of the oven and onto the weighing scale!

I remember Jah and Joel leaving the operation theatre together while I was being stitched back up and prepped for recovery. I remember being back in my hospital bed with a chubby Jah in my arms. I’m not sure if it was from sheer exhaustion or effects of medication/ pain relief but I remember nothing about what happened after I gave birth and before I held Jah again in my arms. But perhaps that’s all I need to remember…how difficult it was to have him and how precious he is to us.

Joel and Jah exiting the Operating Theatre and meeting the family while mummy got stitched up

Holding Jah for the first time…

Our precious first bundle of joy was born on 9 November 2011.

Happy 4^th Birthday my little boy!

JahBella’s Mummy and JahBella’s Papa!

22Oct2015

When Adaptability becomes Complacency

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

It’s been a tough couple of weeks with the haze plaguing all of us for more than a month now and Jah and Bella getting HFMD right in the thick of it all. I think people who know us, would understand how terribly torturing and difficult it is for us to keep the kids at home/ indoors on weekends. Yes, we are that crazy family/ parents who head out at 9am every weekend so that our kids can burn off some of their energy.

So we were absolutely looking forward to the haze leaving us by end November as earlier estimated. However with the new forecast coming in at Dec/ Jan or even as late as March next year, I can’t help but feel really frustrated. After all, there is really only so much ‘sneaking around’ the haze that we can do.

Taken last Sunday when we ‘snuck around’ before the haze got worse . Jah and Bella have been absolutely cooped up in the days leading to this.

We used to pre-plan activities that the whole family can look forward to for the weekend. But now we wake up every Sat and Sun hoping to see PM2.5 levels below 100 and then we would rush out for some quick outdoors before ushering everyone indoors as the numbers start to climb (usually within 1-2 hours). Yes PM2.5 below 100 is our family’s internal threshold and while this usually means that the psi is well below 100, we prefer to be kiasu/ kiasi at least over this issue.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not so much a post to rant about the haze and to talk about how we have adapted our lifestyle to having the haze around. Rather with the haze looking to stay for a while, I am worried that we are becoming too adaptable. By we, I really mean all of us.

I know we teach our children to be adaptable and to react and change according to the situation. And in this situation, I think adaptability means perhaps getting a purifier and making a habit out of switching it on or carrying your n95 mask in your bags and wearing it without the fear of looking like a fool because no one else is wearing it. That to me is the extent of adaptability we should undertake. However being adaptable should not equate to being complacent.

Do you recall how only a month ago, we would ‘panic’ at the sign of the psi/ pm2.5 going above 150. Now some of us don’t even bat any eyelid. Yes some would say what a bunch of complainers and whiners. That is another argument for another time.
We should be adaptable but we should not accept walking around in the haze, unprotected as a normal way of life. We should not allow our kids to run around in a park when the levels are clearly unhealthy.

The reason I bring this up is not because I’m some perfect human being/ parent who can keep my kids indoors with no problem at all. I understand the pains and frustrations. The reason I need to say this now is because I too struggle and I too find myself slowly allowing myself to be complacent.

I need to to remind myself that this should not be a new norm for us and especially our children. We should learn to be adaptable during these months and hope that the end comes sooner rather than later but we should NEVER be complacent.

JahBella’s Mummy

25Jun2015

Tips on moving with kids – How to stay sane through the move and How to prep your kids

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions by jahbella

So yes, we completed our big move recently (with one more in the pipeline) but we are all good for now and so I would like to take the time to reflect and share some tips on how we survived our move with kids. Some of these tips were serious points of contention between me and Joel when we couldn’t agree if we should attempt the move in that way. While others were mistakes that we learnt from. 🙂 So here are some of our tips on how to sanely get through a move with kids and please read till the end if you want to find out how we prepped the kids for the move. 🙂

1) Always hire a moving company to relocate you. If this seems like a no-brainer then I would go one step further to say, hire the moving company to do your packing for you! This worked wonders for us because we only had to pack away our personal and essential items (and trust me even that takes awhile). The movers did all the heavy stuff like packing up our storeroom, kitchen, wardrobes and all the knick knacks which would have taken us weeks!!!! And yes you don’t have the luxury of packing up over weeks and living out of boxes or suitcases if you have little monkeys children running around…:p

It would have taken us 10 times as long or more to pack our kitchen…

2) Always move on a weekday when the kids are in school or childcare. Yes while it might be tempting to save a day of leave and just do it over the weekend. It will be a lot less stressful if the kids were out of your hair and you didn’t have to think of which kid has to come with you or when you need to get lunch for them. If you don’t have the option of school or childcare then get help from someone to babysit but bottomline is try not to have them around as you are making that physical move (i.e 9am to 5pm)

3) Prepack a few days worth of clothes, fresh towels, PJs etc, as if you were going away for a short holiday or staycation. Live out of that suitcase the night before the move and for how many more days you forsee the unpacking to take. This is especially important when you have kids because kids can’t live out of boxes full stop. They will not appreciate you, opening boxes after boxes to find their favourite stuff toy or that school uniform that they need to wear to school tomorrow.

4) Try your best to be present when your movers are packing up for you and then be as specific as possible when labeling the boxes. This is also applicable if you were packing on your own. Trust me a box that says Storeroom versus a box that says Storeroom – Shoes, makes a world of a difference. Especially when you have 20 boxes named store room which have been moved into your new storeroom and you realize at 10pm that 1 of those 20 boxes contains shoes which you need to wear to work tomorrow. Happy searching indeed!

Photo credit: http://smg.photobucket.com/user/SD7681/media/moving.jpg.html

5) Always take leave the day after you move and this also means, do not move on a Friday! Kids are not fun to have around the house when there are tons of unpack boxes stacked up to the ceiling in your bedrooms, living room and kitchen. And unless you were living in a relatively empty house before (we were living in a toyshop) or you move at superhero break neck unpacking speed, there is no way that your house will be ‘unpacked’ and freed of boxes during the first 24 hours of the move. Yes, so take your leave and get cracking! And after that if you think you need to recover from the move then take another day of leave again. :p So my recommendation is that a move with children would require you to take about 3 days of leave 😉

6) Ensure that the kids rooms are the first rooms which you make live-able again. If there is 1 thing which you absolutely must accomplish/ clear/ unpack/ get ready in the new house whilst moving, make it the kids room. This will give them a place to hangout when they come home and not have the boxes in the way or they in the way of the boxes. This also helps with the emotional part which I am going to touch on next.

This was the initial set-up which we tweaked again days later but at least we got it ‘up and running’ the first day…

Now that we got the logistical nightmare stuff out of the way. Lets take abit about the emotional side of things. If your kid is 0 to 2 years old like Bella, she will unlikely be too affected by the move. So long as she sees the same usual faces (family members) and given her same comforts (pacifier, blankie, stuff toy etc – that is why it is important to pack them personally into your suitcase). Kids of that age should pretty much bounced right back (literally) and she would probably never ever remember the ‘old house’.

Kids who are older than 3 years old (like Jah) might find it abit more of a shock to their system and might possibly get emotional about things. The way to deal with it is to prep, talk, listen and prep somemore. We prep Jah very very early on when we knew we were going to move even as early as when we were marketing our place for sale.

He was told why strangers were coming to his house and his room to look around. He was told that it was necessary if he wanted to move to his new house. We ‘sold’ him the good things about the new house and the exciting changes we could make to his room. He talked to him, we ‘prepped’ him and we made sure we listened to what he had to say. Not that there was another other option but the moment he sounded unsure or apprehensive about the move, we listened and we addressed and tried to steer things towards the positive. We also got him to reassure us back that he understood what this move etc was about.

Things got abit tricky for us as we had to do an interim move and then had to explain again why there was an interim move and then we named our rental place, the ‘ temporary house’ so as not to confuse him. This helped give him some clarity on what to expect and he was prepared and actually really excited about the move.

Upselling the fun stuff! :p

Before the movers came to pack things up in boxes, we prepped him. The night before the move, we prepped him. When he was leaving for school on the morning of the move, we prepped him and reminded him that he would not be coming back to this house after school tonight. I think as adults we sometimes get so caught up in the big things, the obvious things, the great move that we forget it might be confusing for the little one to go off to school from one house and then to never return there again. There can never be too much prepping, at least not for this. :p

Which brings me back to some of my tips about labeling boxes well and taking leave to unpack quickly because the faster you revert to some semblance of normal life for them and allow them to be surrounded by familiar items (clothes, beds, toys, bed sheets, blankets, utensils) etc, the faster they adapt to the new ‘shell’ or environment.

We are really fortunate that both our kids took very well to the move. In fact, I am amazed at how forward looking Jah is. When asked if he misses his old house and whether he would like to say goodbye ‘Punggol’ House as we pass it on the expressway. His response was, “no, no need to say good bye to Punggol House mummy, its Hello! Temporary House!” We are really glad that they have transitioned so well and I would like to think some or all of that prepping has help to ease the transition and I hope these tips will help you and I again for our next move….Until the next move 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

11May2015

How to deal with your child’s tantrum – Decoding Jah and Understanding his Sensory Processing Needs

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions by jahbella

I have read books previously on Raising a Spirited Child, Understanding Highly Sensitive children and the likes and have found them very useful in helping me to understand Jah especially when he was in what we deemed as the terrible twos. More recently I have also come across a resource/ compilation from several mummy bloggers on the topic of Sensory Processing Disorder in children as well as whether tantrums are due to behavior, sensory or both. The article found here and the compilation of Everyday Kids Behaviour decoded, further reinforced the fact that I am not alone when it comes to dealing with my kid’s everyday tantrums.

No, don’t get me wrong I am not saying that Jah has Sensory Processing Disorder, kids who have SPD go through a lot worse tantrums and are probably harder to pacifiy. But if you read the article you may notice that it talks about all kids in general having sensory needs that need to be met. This tells me that my kid is not ‘weird’ or bratty or being a pain when he screams “its too loud!” and proceeds to be inconsolable. It also reminds me that there is nothing wrong in me ‘anticipating’ a tantrum before it happens and finding ways to avoid it. Honestly it is easier on everyone if we avoid the tantrum from happening rather than have a frustrated parent screaming at a ‘tantrum throwing’ crying kid.

So for people who may question why I ‘tiptoe’ around my kid and let him ‘dictate’ how things are done sometimes or ‘pander’ at his demands. It’s because I know that most of these demands are not made because he is a horrible kid but because he has some sensory needs that needs to be fulfilled.

For people who are perhaps also trying to decode their own children, I would recommend you read the above articles and I will share some of the kid behaviors that we personally struggle with at home and how we attempt to address it most times.

Fear of Loud Noises/ Loud Noises causes Stress

Jah is sensitive to loud noises and by that I don’t just mean the loud noises made by the jets flying by during the Airshow or those made by the Lion Dance Troupes during Chinese New Year. He is especially sensitive to noises. My hairdryer has two modes, he cannot tolerate it when I switch it on to High, it bothers him. He holds his hands to his ears and cowers, almost as if the sound is hurting his ears. Now that he is able to talk, he tells me “mummy it’s too loud, its painful!” and makes (demands) me switch it off. Anyone who witnesses this would either think I’m a pushover and/or my son is extremely rude and bratty. But I know better, the loud sound hurts his ears and it causes him a lot of anxiety. Just because we don’t experience it ourselves, doesn’t mean it is not real.

The loud booming voice over a microphone also causes him much anxiety especially in an enclosed area. He needs time to come to terms with the sounds. He needs to be prepped.

Bothered by the music but still coping…

To ensure I don’t get a screaming/ crying kid everytime I switch on something loud or when I need to blow my hair in the mornings. I make sure that he is ready for the sound. I will ask for his ‘permission’ to switch it to Low or I will ask if he would like to leave the room so I can switch it to High. It may seem like a lot of power to accord a child but I don’t think it’s right to expect your child to deal with the discomfort just because you are the parent and you say so.

Here are two more links from Enchanted Home Schooling Mom and Bare Feet On the DashBoard, on what you can do if your child has a fear of loud noises or is anxious by it.

Hyperactive

Honestly I hate the term, hyperactive because when a person says that about my child, I don’t know if they really just mean oh he is a really active boy or he is hyperactive (in the medical sense). Yes Jah is very active, he needs a lot of outdoor activities and I am super glad for a childcare/ school that can offer him that for most part of the week. We noticed a long time ago then his behavior would ‘deteriorate’ over the course of the day/ weekend if we had chosen to coop him up at home on Saturday/ Sunday mornings. I can’t really blame him.Who likes being cooped up?He needs physical activities, wide open space and the great outdoors to keep him happy and cooperative. So for those who wonder how we manage weekend outings every week or why we insist on doing it? It’s because we know that this will keep our kids happy and ensure a happier less stressful time for everyone. Win-win for everyone!

A park day kind of morning

A Waterplay kind of day

For more suggestions for the active little ones, check out the article from Wild Flower Ramblings.

Meltdowns

I’m sure every parent to a toddler/ young child can identify with this word. Meltdown. To be fair, the meltdown is often not without reason. Sure it may happen because the child cannot get his/her way and with those kind of meltdown, I found it helpful to prep the kid beforehand/ take the kid away from the situation and have a firm but kind talk. You can’t expect to bring a child to a toy store and then tell him that he can’t buy a toy right? A child is not going to have the self-control to discern that. We found it helpful to always get Jah’s buy-in beforehand. Eg. Jah, we can go to the toy shop to walk around but we cannot buy any toys today. If you think you can handle that then we can go, if not then we will go another day. This usually works.

We also prep him before hand if we are going somewhere where we are expecting many new faces/ places where he might be overwhelmed by the crowd/ an unfamiliar place etc. This gives him time to internalize, decide if he can cope with the situation and get his ‘assurance or promise’ that he will be ok with it. We have had Jah tell us that he thinks he won’t be able to ‘handle’ it at an event and would much rather stay at home with his auntie. This happened the night before the event and I was actually glad that he felt confident to tell me that rather than have him suffer a meltdown at the event (which definitely would have happened).

There are some adults who hate surprises and the same goes for kids. There are some kids who can’t deal with surprises or sudden changes or things that happen out of their routine and we have to respect that.

We were not expecting a photo op and I didn’t prep him for it..he absolutely wanted to do it again once we got to the car..

We have not decoded this little lady here so meltdowns are aplenty

Here’s another look at meltdowns and some of the possible triggers from Preschool Inspirations

Don’t be mistaken, we don’t have it all figured out. Yes, we most definitely run out of patience too and are still learning what makes our kids tick. In fact we have not decoded Bella yet! Someone save me!! :p But for now these ‘techniques’ work for us and for Jah (most times) and perhaps the resources on Sensory Processing Disorder and Sensory Needs can help you and I to figure out our kids and what has been causing those ‘tantrums’. Who ever said parenting was easy right? 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy