Celebrating Jah’s 3rd birthday and reflecting on the past few years (before we had him and our entry and journey into parenthood) has brought on so many memories. It also brought back memories of a very humbling and trying period in our lives when we were first told we couldn’t have kids and then went on to miscarrying them.
Back in 2009 when having kids was something we had on our “to-do but not now” list. We were told that I was suffering from PCOS and it was going to be hard for us to have kids. We were told that when the time came where we wanted to start trying then we could look at medication and IVF as options. We were devastated. It was one of those “you didn’t know you wanted something until you can’t have them” moment. Joel said we should go for a second opinion and we did. The gynae whom we went for the second opinion (who would eventually go on to become our beloved gynae) threw the PCOS nonsense out the window and told us to come back when we were ready to stay trying. That being said, the ‘damage’ had been done and the doubt had been seeded. I was feeling pretty unsure of the possibility of us having kids.
Fast forward to end 2010 where lo and behold we find ourselves pregnant! So that truly threw the PCOS nonsense out the window and we were ecstatic! To cut a long story short, that joy was short lived as we faced two miscarriages in a span of 5 months. By the end of that 5 months, we were emotionally drained and felt like we had lost all hope. You don’t know how badly you need something until it is taken away from you (repeatedly!) Every gynae appt ended with uncertainty/ bad news.
We prayed and we surrender all our doubts and anxiety to God (I think I was close to a breaking point).
We were pregnant again, a month after our 2nd miscarriage. But we could not bear to expect any good news during our gynae visits in case we jinxed it. We held our breath at each visit, for each milestone. Learning not to expect anything but praying for everything. Yes that pregnancy eventually ended in happiness, joy and all things good on 9 Nov 2011. 🙂
The reason I’ve decided to share our story today is because I wanted to remind everyone including ourselves how precious these little ones are. We all have our own story to tell and sometimes in the hectic life of being a parent and through all that screaming, we forget how badly we wanted this.
I also wanted to tell every couple who is trying and who may be facing setbacks, to have faith and to persevere. I know the road is a tough one and I know there are tons out there who have faced far worse moments in their journey than we have. But you are not alone. You are in this with your other half and God is there for you. When the road gets tougher than you can handle, give your other half a hug and say a little prayer. All may not be well immediately but I like to think that this gives us a little strength to say come what may..