To the Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday.

Dear Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday,

We met your 10 year old son at the playground yesterday. He is an exceptionally articulate and compassionate young man. He saw that my son was apprehensive about scaling the netted tower (he attempted it two weeks back and never made it to 2nd tier) and your son encouraged him. He showed him how to do it and he put his fears to rest. He didn’t pressure him or make fun of him when he was too scared to attempt the subsequent tiers. My son made it to the 2nd tier on his first try that morning, thanks to your son.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I too encouraged my son . I too told him that he can do it. And I sure tried to show him how to do it (although that proved to be alittle challenging for me). I made up for that by trying to give him a little physical boost to the 2nd tier. It didn’t work. The fear crippled him. Your son did what I could not do. Sometimes they just need to hear it from someone else other than their parents. And that morning, your son was the perfect someone else.

The older brother. The role model. The competition. The ally. All rolled into one. Your son spent the next hour playing with my boy. They scaled towers. They skate scooted around the park. They played ball. They laughed, joked and fought. But through all this, your son was kind, patient, respectful and understanding.

Through that hour, I realised that your son was on his own and I got the sense that he is alone a lot. No before you think that I am going to get judge-y here, I’m not. I just want you to know that whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances, you seem to be doing something right. He is the most well-adjusted and independent 10 year old I have ever met. He has a level of situational awareness and maturity that would put many adults to shame.

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday, thank you.

Thank you for raising a kid who saw beyond my son’s age and size and wanted to be his friend despite my son being half his age.

Thank you for raising a kid whom through his example, allowed me to teach my kid certain life lessons. Lessons on determination, kindness, friendship and what it means to be a big brother.

Thank you for letting your kid play at the playground yesterday. 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday.

Dear Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday,

We met your 10 year old son at the playground yesterday. He is an exceptionally articulate and compassionate young man. He saw that my son was apprehensive about scaling the netted tower (he attempted it two weeks back and never made it to 2nd tier) and your son encouraged him. He showed him how to do it and he put his fears to rest. He didn’t pressure him or make fun of him when he was too scared to attempt the subsequent tiers. My son made it to the 2nd tier on his first try that morning, thanks to your son.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I too encouraged my son . I too told him that he can do it. And I sure tried to show him how to do it (although that proved to be alittle challenging for me). I made up for that by trying to give him a little physical boost to the 2nd tier. It didn’t work. The fear crippled him. Your son did what I could not do. Sometimes they just need to hear it from someone else other than their parents. And that morning, your son was the perfect someone else.

The older brother. The role model. The competition. The ally. All rolled into one. Your son spent the next hour playing with my boy. They scaled towers. They skate scooted around the park. They played ball. They laughed, joked and fought. But through all this, your son was kind, patient, respectful and understanding.

Through that hour, I realised that your son was on his own and I got the sense that he is alone a lot. No before you think that I am going to get judge-y here, I’m not. I just want you to know that whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances, you seem to be doing something right. He is the most well-adjusted and independent 10 year old I have ever met. He has a level of situational awareness and maturity that would put many adults to shame.

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday, thank you.

Thank you for raising a kid who saw beyond my son’s age and size and wanted to be his friend despite my son being half his age.

Thank you for raising a kid whom through his example, allowed me to teach my kid certain life lessons. Lessons on determination, kindness, friendship and what it means to be a big brother.

Thank you for letting your kid play at the playground yesterday. 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

Parenting in 2016 – JahBella Style

I hadn’t intend for this to be my first post of 2016, in fact I didn’t intend to write such a post at all. But as I was reading my first book of 2016 (I only read 1 book last year, goodness!), I realised that I needed to document this as a reminder to myself for the year (and for always).

I just started reading “Don’t make me count to three” which essentially is a Christian Parenting book. I’ve only gotten through a couple of pages but the first few pages truly spoke to me and reminded me of our purpose in our kids’ lives.

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All very timely since I also just read today on social media about how there are tons of people who regret having kids and apparently people are justifying it and making it seem like it is perfectly fine to ‘regret having your kids’.

 
Don’t get me wrong, there are days where we wonder what our lives would be like at that very moment if we decided to have kids later. But I absolutely do not regret having my kids, not even in the craziest and angriest moments do I regret them.

 

There are moments when frustration takes over and in recent days, we have felt these moments more often than we would like to and then I wonder if I am not doing a good enough job with them but regret? NEVER! We adore them and are truly blessed to have them in our lives.

 
Jah seems to be going through a rough time. We seem to be going through a rough time with his behavior and discipline. We have essentially tried every trick in the book but when we get an outburst or when he gets out of control, we just can’t get through to him like we normally do. It’s tiring, trying and altogether downright discouraging especially when we have to juggle work, kids and everything else in between. So when he misbehaves, we find ourselves misbehaving too. As frustration and irritation escalates, we resort to threats, shouting, giving him the cold shoulder and well spanking. Honestly none of which we are proud of and none of which even helps or changes his behaviour.

 
Then the book reminds me that I need to attend to his heart and not his behaviour. It reminded me that as much as I might want to ‘give up’ each time my kids challenge my patience and my sanity and as much as I might want to scream in defeat. I need to remember what I’m here for.

 
I’ve been given a chance to love, nurture, and mould these little beings. There is a reason why they were placed in our hearts and in our home.

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It reminded me of Jah asking where he had come from and why he wasn’t in some of our earlier photos and why he only ‘appeared’ a few years later. It reminded me of my answer to him.

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That he came from heaven, from God and Jesus.
That it took him and his sister alittle while to get to us because God and Jesus needed time to choose 2 of their most special Angels for us.

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And now that they are finally here, it is our turn to take care of them and teach them how to be good children and good people.

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So when patience run dry and tempers run high, we will need to remind ourselves of how blessed we are indeed to have these angels in our lives and focus on helping them as well as ourselves become better people..

 

Starting our parenting lovingly and patiently in 2016…:)

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JahBella’s Mummy

Letter to Jah (4 years old)

Dear Jah,

You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now. Your Papa is still in disbelief because it has suddenly hit him/ us that you will be entering Kindergarten in a month’s time. We long to rewind to the days where you were a little colicky baby or when you were just learning to take your first steps. Ok maybe not so far back..:)

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Jah at 4 months old

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First unassisted step at 9 months 3 weeks

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But we know you are excited to grow up..you talk about entering Primary school and you talk about being 18 or 21. You talk about what you want to be when you grow up. Right now your dream profession is to be a clown. Yes I kid you not! You have gone from a ‘parachute pilot’ to an army soldier to finally a clown. Although you did mention last night that you wanted to be a teacher, just like me but your reason was so that we could go to school together. 🙂

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You have become quite a book worm and a Star wars fan

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Being 4 years old is proving to be a trying age for both you and your Papa and I. We absolutely love the conversations we have with you and your hilarious antics but sometimes things get a little out of hand. We love that you are so opinionated because it helps us to learn more about who you are but you are also starting to test the boundaries, push our buttons and well really really assert yourself. The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare to say the least because well apparently everything has to be Jah’s way or the highway. Oh wait a minute, Jah hasn’t come home for a few weeks now because he is climbing the beanstalk with Jack. Yes, you have assumed the identity of a little dog called Goldie and you have renamed my stuff dog ‘An’ (he used to be called Goldie). Yes you have become quite the drama king (in a rather cute and amusing way).

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We love your tender heart and your need to make sure that everyone is taken care of. We love the compassion that you have and the way you seem to understand the world’s big issues in your own little innocent, compassionate 4 year old way.You are mature beyond your years. You have a level of maturity and magnitude for forgiveness that even some adults may not have. We lost your iPad this last week and instead of breaking down and throwing a tantrum like we would expect any 4 year old or even an adult to for that matter. You said these words in the sweetest kindest voice ever, “Its ok Papa, I think the birthday robber came and took my iPad. Its not your fault Papa, its ok.” Ironically we would probably have felt much better if you had just thrown a tantrum but in that moment it felt like our hearts weighed 1,000 tonnes. Perhaps because it was filled with guilt but bursting with pride all at the same time.

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You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now.

But you will always be our little baby.

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JahBella’s Mummy

When Adaptability becomes Complacency

It’s been a tough couple of weeks with the haze plaguing all of us for more than a month now and Jah and Bella getting HFMD right in the thick of it all. I think people who know us, would understand how terribly torturing and difficult it is for us to keep the kids at home/ indoors on weekends. Yes, we are that crazy family/ parents who head out at 9am every weekend so that our kids can burn off some of their energy. 

So we were absolutely looking forward to the haze leaving us by end November as earlier estimated. However with the new forecast coming in at Dec/ Jan or even as late as March next year, I can’t help but feel really frustrated. After all, there is really only so much ‘sneaking around’ the haze that we can do. 

Taken last Sunday when we ‘snuck around’ before the haze got worse . Jah and Bella have been absolutely cooped up in the days leading to this.

We used to pre-plan activities that the whole family can look forward to for the weekend. But now we wake up every Sat and Sun hoping to see PM2.5 levels below 100 and then we would rush out for some quick outdoors before ushering everyone indoors as the numbers start to climb (usually within 1-2 hours). Yes PM2.5 below 100 is our family’s internal threshold and while this usually means that the psi is well below 100, we prefer to be kiasu/ kiasi at least over this issue.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not so much a post to rant about the haze and to talk about how we have adapted our lifestyle to having the haze around. Rather with the haze looking to stay for a while, I am worried that we are becoming too adaptable. By we, I really mean all of us.

I know we teach our children to be adaptable and to react and change according to the situation. And in this situation, I think adaptability means perhaps getting a purifier and making a habit out of switching it on or carrying your n95 mask in your bags and wearing it without the fear of looking like a fool because no one else is wearing it. That to me is the extent of adaptability we should undertake. However being adaptable should not equate to being complacent. 

  
Do you recall how only a month ago, we would ‘panic’ at the sign of the psi/ pm2.5 going above 150. Now some of us don’t even bat any eyelid. Yes some would say what a bunch of complainers and whiners. That is another argument for another time.
We should be adaptable but we should not accept walking around in the haze, unprotected as a normal way of life. We should not allow our kids to run around in a park when the levels are clearly unhealthy.

The reason I bring this up is not because I’m some perfect human being/ parent who can keep my kids indoors with no problem at all. I understand the pains and frustrations. The reason I need to say this now is because I too struggle and I too find myself slowly allowing myself to be complacent.

I need to to remind myself that this should not be a new norm for us and especially our children. We should learn to be adaptable during these months and hope that the end comes sooner rather than later but we should NEVER be complacent.

JahBella’s Mummy