To my children – A letter about life and love

Posted in Letters, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Do you at times think back to your childhood or growing up years and remember some of the words of wisdom which your parents may have repeated to you ever so often. Words that you may have rolled your eyes at in your youth but find yourself repeating to your kids in some form or another now. Well I know I do.

These words of wisdom were often about life, choice of friends and the eventual choice of a life partner. And as much as we rolled our eyes at those words, I have a feeling our parents did enough ‘drilling’ over the years for those words to have some impact on the choices we have made in life and on defining who we are today.

So here are some of my ‘words of wisdom’ that I hope to impart to my son and daughter.

To both my children

Life is never fair. Trust me, you will come across enough obstacles, failures and even successes in your lifetime to help you realise that. But the earlier in life you accept this fact, the faster and easier it will be for you to pick yourself up after each failure and face the next obstacle again. Because it is only when you accept this fact that you will stop throwing tantrums about life and stop playing the blame game. You will learn to, as cliche as it sounds, make lemonade out of lemons that life serves you and you will be happier.

Life will also throw many curveballs at you and some may even rock the very foundation your life is built upon. For your sake, I hope you encounter enough curveballs to keep you grounded but none of the foundation shattering ones.

When life throws you these curveballs, Pray. Don’t be mistaken, praying will not make them go away but praying will give you the strength and faith to carry on.

To my Son

Be a gentleman. Open doors and pull out chairs. Chilvary may be dead for some people but needing to be thoughtful and respectful is very much alive.

Do not carry her handbag. Not mine or your sister’s, not your girlfriend’s or your wife’s. Instead offer to carry her bags, her loads and her burdens but don’t be offended if she declines.

Allow your other half to be an equal to you. Listen to her opinions and trust her instincts. Allow her to drive you.

Allow her to cry and never ever belittle her tears or emotions. Be honoured that she is opening up her vulnerabilities and insecurities to you. If you don’t know what to do, just embrace her.

You will make friends and enemies. You need to be able to tell one from another. Sometimes it is not easy to tell the difference.

Always put your family first. Even in the face of building your career and wanting to provide for your family. Know that a powerful and successful man is one who goes home to a family who loves, knows and adores him and those emotions are not bought with money or gifts.

Love.

To my Daughter

Empower yourself. No matter how heavy those bags are, learn to carry them on your own. Do not make your partner carry your handbag.

Learn to drive a car. It will put you in control of your own time and give you the freedom and independence you need so that you never need to wait around to be ferried. Trust me, it will make a difference to your relationship.

Be strong, be independent and walk along side your partner as an equal but never get so carried away in this new era of female equality and independence that you forget to be vulnerable.

Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to be emotional (well just not irrational emotional), ask for help when you need it and don’t be afraid to let him help you with the bags (just not the handbag :p). I know this sounds like a whole bag of contradictions – why are you asking me to let him carry my bags but yet want me to be strong enough to carry my own bags.

It is simple my little girl, you need to make sure that you are a strong, independent and stable woman in your own right before you can be part of a meaningful relationship of equals.

You need to be with someone who is willing to take care of you but will not belittle your strength. You need to be with someone whom you feel safe enough to open your insecurities and vulnerabilities to and know that he will still see you as an equal.

Love.

JahBella’s Mummy

28Feb2016

To the Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday.

Posted in Letters, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Dear Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday,

We met your 10 year old son at the playground yesterday. He is an exceptionally articulate and compassionate young man. He saw that my son was apprehensive about scaling the netted tower (he attempted it two weeks back and never made it to 2nd tier) and your son encouraged him. He showed him how to do it and he put his fears to rest. He didn’t pressure him or make fun of him when he was too scared to attempt the subsequent tiers. My son made it to the 2nd tier on his first try that morning, thanks to your son.

Oh don’t get me wrong, I too encouraged my son . I too told him that he can do it. And I sure tried to show him how to do it (although that proved to be alittle challenging for me). I made up for that by trying to give him a little physical boost to the 2nd tier. It didn’t work. The fear crippled him. Your son did what I could not do. Sometimes they just need to hear it from someone else other than their parents. And that morning, your son was the perfect someone else.

The older brother. The role model. The competition. The ally. All rolled into one. Your son spent the next hour playing with my boy. They scaled towers. They skate scooted around the park. They played ball. They laughed, joked and fought. But through all this, your son was kind, patient, respectful and understanding.

Through that hour, I realised that your son was on his own and I got the sense that he is alone a lot. No before you think that I am going to get judge-y here, I’m not. I just want you to know that whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances, you seem to be doing something right. He is the most well-adjusted and independent 10 year old I have ever met. He has a level of situational awareness and maturity that would put many adults to shame.

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday, thank you.

Thank you for raising a kid who saw beyond my son’s age and size and wanted to be his friend despite my son being half his age.

Thank you for raising a kid whom through his example, allowed me to teach my kid certain life lessons. Lessons on determination, kindness, friendship and what it means to be a big brother.

Thank you for letting your kid play at the playground yesterday. 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

28Feb2016

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday.

Posted in Letters, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Dear Mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday,

To the mum whose kid we met at the playground yesterday, thank you.

Thank you for raising a kid who saw beyond my son’s age and size and wanted to be his friend despite my son being half his age.

Thank you for raising a kid whom through his example, allowed me to teach my kid certain life lessons. Lessons on determination, kindness, friendship and what it means to be a big brother.

Thank you for letting your kid play at the playground yesterday. 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

19Nov2015

Letter to Jah (4 years old)

Posted in Birthdays, Letters, my thoughts, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Dear Jah,

You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now. Your Papa is still in disbelief because it has suddenly hit him/ us that you will be entering Kindergarten in a month’s time. We long to rewind to the days where you were a little colicky baby or when you were just learning to take your first steps. Ok maybe not so far back..:)

Jah at 4 months old

First unassisted step at 9 months 3 weeks

But we know you are excited to grow up..you talk about entering Primary school and you talk about being 18 or 21. You talk about what you want to be when you grow up. Right now your dream profession is to be a clown. Yes I kid you not! You have gone from a ‘parachute pilot’ to an army soldier to finally a clown. Although you did mention last night that you wanted to be a teacher, just like me but your reason was so that we could go to school together. 🙂

You have become quite a book worm and a Star wars fan

Being 4 years old is proving to be a trying age for both you and your Papa and I. We absolutely love the conversations we have with you and your hilarious antics but sometimes things get a little out of hand. We love that you are so opinionated because it helps us to learn more about who you are but you are also starting to test the boundaries, push our buttons and well really really assert yourself. The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare to say the least because well apparently everything has to be Jah’s way or the highway. Oh wait a minute, Jah hasn’t come home for a few weeks now because he is climbing the beanstalk with Jack. Yes, you have assumed the identity of a little dog called Goldie and you have renamed my stuff dog ‘An’ (he used to be called Goldie). Yes you have become quite the drama king (in a rather cute and amusing way).

We love your tender heart and your need to make sure that everyone is taken care of. We love the compassion that you have and the way you seem to understand the world’s big issues in your own little innocent, compassionate 4 year old way.You are mature beyond your years. You have a level of maturity and magnitude for forgiveness that even some adults may not have. We lost your iPad this last week and instead of breaking down and throwing a tantrum like we would expect any 4 year old or even an adult to for that matter. You said these words in the sweetest kindest voice ever, “Its ok Papa, I think the birthday robber came and took my iPad. Its not your fault Papa, its ok.” Ironically we would probably have felt much better if you had just thrown a tantrum but in that moment it felt like our hearts weighed 1,000 tonnes. Perhaps because it was filled with guilt but bursting with pride all at the same time.

You have just turned 4 years old a couple of days ago and it somehow feels like our little baby is now a little boy. A big boy you might correct me if you heard this now.

But you will always be our little baby.