3 Things I have Learnt About Christmas as a Parent

Posted in Our Thoughts by jahbella

Gone are the days where our Christmas parties used to start at 9pm on Christmas Eve and go on till the early hours of Christmas Day. Our Christmas Eve parties now end at 9pm, yes which is also the children’s bedtime. I’m not complaining though..there is something strangely calming and peaceful about a quiet Christmas Eve night. Reminder to new parents – do turn in early too, trust me you will be awoken very early on Christmas morning to open gifts. :p

How many of you remember being super excited about getting your little ones to unwrap their own presents when they were little babies/ toddlers (less than 2 years old). Wishing they would be able to open the whole thing without your help or at least show some interest so that you can record the moment properly. A word of advice 😉 – Savour the moment when they can’t open their own gifts and they still need your help. In 2 Christmases, you will be wishing that they would stay away from your own presents and would allow you to open them yourselves. Jah opened everyone’s presents this Christmas…yes…every single present he could lay his little hands on…:/

Spring cleaning is not just for Chinese New Year. Yes, please do yourself a favour and spring clean before Christmas. This means packing up all the clothes and toys which your kids no longer needs. The house feels so clean and empty after doesn’t it? Don’t worry, a new toy avalanche will be unleashed upon you on Christmas Day and the house will feel normal again. :p

So yes here are the 3 things I learnt about Christmas as a parent and I am sure the list is probably going to get longer…oh i miss Christmas 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

18Jan2015

Why your kids may think you are confused?

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions by jahbella

Aren’t we parents supposed to have our act together all the time? We should know everything or so we would like our kids to think. And we most certainly are not confused, heaven forbid they ever know that we have confused moments! However some of the things we say or do may cause our kids to think otherwise. :p

What time should I wake up?

Jah gets up at approximately 7am on most mornings (I say most because sometimes he thinks that 6am is a fabulous time especially on weekends). So on most mornings (weekdays) I try my best to get his butt out of bed as quickly as possible. Weekend is a different story all together, on weekends he tries his best to get my butt out of bed while I repeatedly tell him to go back to sleep. On weekday mornings, I also talk to him in my most animated and liveliest voice possible to excite him about going to school. While on weekends, our conversations are conducted with my eyes closed and yes a grunt from me counts as a conversation.

Where should I sleep?

Our bedtime routine would start with me putting Jah to bed in his room at 9pm. Every now and then Jah would try his luck and ask if he could fall asleep in my bed, to which the answer is always “No, you are a big boy now and you have to sleep in your own bed.” He will then proceed to wake up at around 1am to 2am, to look for me. Sitting in his room while I wait for him to fall asleep, is truly the least appealing and most frustrating thing in the world, especially when I had just been awoken from a deep sleep. So every night without fail, I will walk into his room when he wakes and ask if he would like to come to my room (at least I am in my nice comfy bed while he falls asleep). Sometimes he tells me no and then I will proceed to harass him until he says yes and we ‘pack’ up his blanket, pillow and teddy and head over to mummy’s bed.

Potty or Diapers?

I might have been guilty of this once or twice before or I most certainly had entertained the thought. This was something I definitely struggled with, in the early days of potty training. You know the early days where your child isn’t fully potty trained and he was still in diapers during occasions like bedtime or outings? Do you remember the moments when that little child would turn to you and go “mummy I need to pee” and your response to him was “it’s ok, you can pee in your diapers”, just because it was more convenient/ you were feeling alittle too tired/ lazy to deal with this now. :p

How big/small am I?

I’m sure age and size has featured very often in our reasoning/ explanations/ excuses to our kids. “No you are too small/ young so you are not allowed to do this, wait till you are older” or “You are a big boy now so you shouldn’t behave like this”. If I were my kid, I would probably ask me once and for all, so am I big or small? Make up your mind mummy!

Being a parent is tough, trying to keep track of the excuses/ reasons we give our children and making sure they all match up. Being consistent is especially tough when you only have sleep in mind. It’s really hard to think like a mum when you are in a sleep induced state. However I have to say being a kid is even tougher especially when mummy is so confused. They probably wished they could shake some sense into us. 😉

How confused are you? 🙂

JahBella’s Mummy

10Dec2014

The Perfect Age – 3 years old

Posted in Our Thoughts by jahbella

We often hear about the terrible 2s, terrible 3s and yes even terrible 4s but we seldom hear about the ‘perfect age’. Perhaps parents are afraid to jinx themselves if they were to talk about how good their children have been. I know I used to steer clear of talking about Jah finally sleeping through or Bella finishing her milk feeds without refluxing because yes then the tides turn. But you know what, I am going to go out on a limb this time and talk about what I feel is the perfect age. Just so that I can soak in this moment…:)

This past weekend/ very long weekend that started from Thursday, I think I finally saw a glimpse of the perfect age. I think we have been so fixated with getting our little ones to grow up, fuss less, reason more, follow the rules that every age until they reach that ‘grown up’ stage is bound to be terrible. Ok no wait, I agree that the terrible 2s are really terrible (we are going through it with Bella all over again, hearing no! at every turn is really quite frustrating).

But this weekend, Jah has shown me that your child turning 3 might just be the perfect age! Ok I admit I don’t know what’s in store at 4 and yes perhaps 4 may even be better, who knows, but for now I would like to savour 3 before its gone.

Why is 3 the perfect age (for us at least)? 🙂

3 years old is about the time I can finally have proper full-on conversations with Jah and it is also peppered with real humour. No, not just little giggles because I made a funny face but real belly-ful of laughter because he cracked a joke or watching him hold back laughter because he was about to play a trick on us.

The start of reason…while I’m sure he will get better at listening to reason (I hope) and while he still fusses when he doesn’t get what he wants. He is getting really good at acceptance and listening to me reason with him. He walks away from toys when we say no or walks up to the toys and declares that we can’t buy this today but we will get it for Christmas. :Z He is able to accept that he can have just one toy and he has to make a choice between two awesome ones. When he fusses (and yes he still does, he is 3), he is able to quieten down and listen to my reason and ‘get’ that big boys do not behave this way.

Independence – He tries very hard to feed himself and even though it may still get alittle messy, he really wants to do it well. He is potty trained in the day (need I say more? 🙂 ) I found out today that he cries when going into class because he doesn’t want the teachers to help with his bag. Today he gave me a hug and said “I love you mummy, I’m going to school” and walked straight into class with his trolley bag.

Social skills – He is starting to enjoy the company of his friends and is able to talk to them and not through us. He is also able to enjoy the quiet or well not so quiet imaginative play with us or on his own. It was an eye-opener for us to see that he no longer needed us to be by his side at every play session and he was comfortable enough to play and talk to whoever else was there.

He talks about the old days. Yes this is abit strange but he talks about himself as a baby and ask us questions that start with “mummy when I was a baby…..” This is really comical because some of the occasions he is referring to, only happened a couple of months ago. But this gives us the perfect opening to say “yes you did that when you were a baby but now you are a big boy right? And what do big boys do?” It’s awesome that even he realizes that things are different at 3 years old 🙂

Now I know what you might say, well all the above points are just going to get better as he hits 4 or 5 or 6…which brings me to my final point on why this is the perfect age. 🙂 It is the perfect age because while all of the above is happening and gives me my talkative, humorous, socialable, independent, reasonable older boy. He still needs mummy to make his milk and put him to bed. He still needs mummy to give him hugs, cuddles and kisses and he gives drool filled kisses back! He still wants mummy all to himself. Despite everything that he is fast becoming and more, it is the perfect age because my 3 year old still needs me. 🙂

Jahbella’s Mummy

1Dec2014

Things you should never say to a mother (especially if you are a mother too)

Posted in Our Thoughts, Uncategorized by jahbella

I have to admit that I may at some point have been guilty of some of these things so to help remind myself and for the better of womankind…here is a list of things you should never say to a mother. Yes especially if you are a mother yourself (we should all know better).

Never ask a woman or a mother if she is pregnant. We all know how sensitive these issues can be, so do yourself and the other person a favor and just don’t ask! Let’s put it this way, if she wanted you to know, she will find a way to let you know. If she is, everyone will eventually know and you wouldn’t have to ask and look silly right?

When you see someone’s child in spectacles/ leg brace/ or perhaps find out that they are attending therapy or lessons to help with learning issue. Please NEVER EVER go “oh so poor thing”, especially in front of the child (by the way they can hear you and unless you are speaking your own weird language, they understand what you are saying!) I would like to point out that there is nothing ‘poor thing’ about any of the above situation especially if it is being addressed. There is nothing bad about a parent accepting that his/her child needs early intervention regardless of what type and we do not need to make them feel like there is something wrong with the situation or their child.

Never tell a mother what toys her child should or shouldn’t be playing with. Don’t get me wrong, we all love recommendations and tips to make our parenting journey easier. But we don’t appreciate being told what to do or worse still someone insinuating that we are doing a crappy job. I believe this also applies to the food we allow/ disallow of kids to eat.

Never tell a mother that you haven’t seen her since her child was born. It is one thing to have her best intentions at heart and perhaps you would like to volunteer babysitting so she can get away for 5 minutes? But it’s an entirely different thing if you are whinning about the fact that she doesn’t have time for you or a girls night out, you get the idea. I doubt she has taken an uninterrupted shower since her child was born so yes personally I’ll choose uninterrupted shower time. 😉

Lastly, never ask a mother any question that you and I know, is just going lead to you judging her parenting skills/ decisions. Need some examples?

Oh you are not breastfeeding anymore? + The “oh so poor thing” look to the child
You are still breastfeeding? + The “skeptical – isn’t this child too old to still be breastfeeding” look
Oh you allow your child to use a pacifier/ suck his thumb?

And the list goes on….

And to all mummies hang in there! Regardless of what anyone ask/says/ insinuates, just remember that you are doing the best for yourself and your child.

I personally live by the belief that if I am going to make a parenting mistake (we all do at some point), it should be my mistake and not because I chose to live by someone else’s opinions. 🙂

Deep breath mummies!

JahBella’s Mummy

27Nov2014

What would you do if you spotted a strange bruise on your child?

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, School Issues by jahbella

As we were sending Jah to school this morning, Joel spotted that Jah had a really bad bruise-like mark on the tip of one of his ear lobes. He pointed it out to me and we couldn’t exactly pin point how he might have gotten it. An insect bite? (Too big to be from an insect) From a classmate? (Too ‘precise’ to be from a young child) From a knock? (When?) From a teacher? (Can’t imagine who) From himself? (How?)

I also remembered spotting a similar bruise a few weeks back over his birthday weekend. I decided not to remind Joel as I could tell that our imaginations were starting to run a little wild.

What would you do in that same position?

I think most parents who leave their kids with their domestic helper or a childcare would have immediately started questioning the caretaker. I would probably have done the same if not for the fact that we had no reason to doubt our childcare and the teachers have been splendid so far but yes I admit that fleeting thought did cross my mind.

Instead I told Joel to relax and that there was no point making assumptions, and I would try to have out what happened from Jah tonight.

So this was our conversation tonight

Me: Jah, can I ask u a question? There is a bruise on your ear over here. Is it painful?
Jah: no.
Me: oh but it looks quite bad. Did you hurt yourself? Someone pull your ear or did someone ask u to pull ur ear?
Jah: yes someone ask me to pull my ear.
Me: Oic..who asked u to do that? *starting to worry but tried to remain calm*
Jah: teacher xxx
Me: oh really *i was starting to be alittle skeptical because I couldn’t imagine that this particular teacher would ask him to pull his ears as punishment*
Jah: yes! Teacher xxx says “if you’re happy and you know you pull your ears!” *giggles*
Me: ohhhhhh so that’s why u pulled ur ears!
*wanting to be extra sure*
Me: can you show me how u did it?

And yes he pulls at the exact spot where the bruise is, with his tiny little fingers! (And by the way he claims that it doesn’t hurt and that it is ‘just nice’)

The reason I am sharing this is because I learnt a few things through this experience

1) we are often quick to assume, judge and imagine the worst. (We imagined all the different scenarios and almost arrived at what we thought was the most convenient or plausible one. I also assume that pulling ears meant that it was a punishment and could have jumped to the wrong conclusion)

2) sometimes we don’t even believe what our kids are telling us and often it’s because we never wait for the full story or we don’t ask the right questions of them

3) we have to give our kids more credit for it (The bruise was not bothering him the least bit, it was all part of play. We should also have faith that they would be able to tell us if something wasn’t right. Or at least it is our job to educate them to do so).

Something that could have seriously been blown out of proportion, was at the end of the day, quite a funny and enlightening conversation between me and my boy.

Jahbella’s Mummy