parenting | JahBella

It’s been awhile since I had last done one of our very over due holiday post and I was hoping to publish one this week but I’m afraid this rant has to take precedence.

This truly has been bugging me for some time and especially so in the last couple of weeks because we have had to deal with some nasty words that are being used at home.

Yes the children have been repeating certain words or phrases which they have picked up from somewhere. Words that we don’t use at all at home, not even in one of our angry moments when words slip so we know they are not ‘acquiring’ these phrases from home. While we know they have expanded their (unsavoury) vocabulary in school, we have total confidence that it is not from their teachers especially since the kids are able to pinpoint the source when they are questioned after being reprimanded. Ok before u let your imagination run wild on what words are being said/ used/ heard, let me clarify that some examples are like words/ phrases such as stupid (used directly on a person), shut your mouth/ shut up, you have no brains is it and fat witch (used on a person of authority). Perhaps these words may seem mild to any normal person and I may look like I’m overreacting but when I try hard to censor myself, the words I expose my kids to and teach them to be respectful, it just kills me that it gets undone just like that. Just because another parent is free with words that he or she uses with/ on his or her child. That being said, I recognise that I have no right to judge or question how someone else is parenting their child so I can only choose to deal with it by reprimanding my child, explaining that these words are not acceptable even if their friend is saying it and hope that a parent’s influence is larger than peer influence.

So then what am I ranting about?

Yes I am ranting about how parents really really need to censor themselves, not in front of their own kids (honestly I can’t help if we differ in opinions on the type of language that should be used) but please censor yourself in front of or when speaking to other people’s kids.

I honestly hope that fellow parents can have alittle more consideration and watch your language/ questions around other people’s kids. I think I have mentioned this before, I absolutely hate it when someone ask me or exclaims “oh why does he wear glasses” or “oh poor thing so young and he is wearing glasses”, right in front of my child. For your info, he is a living person and he can hear you. He also happens to have feelings, a sense of self worth and also understands English.

I also take offence when you approach my child and ask him questions about his appearance/ skin condition/ size. Unless you are a family member or his teacher, you have no business asking if all you are trying to do is satisfy your own curiosity. Because whatever your intention, good or bad, the child will not be able to discern. All he understood from the question, is the fact that an adult asked me about my appearance therefore there must be something different or wrong about it. And the last thing I want for my child is self confidence issues just because you were curious.

Just as no one (at least most people, safe for the ones with no EQ) would go up to another adult and ask why do you have pimples or why is your skin so oily or why are you so short? I think kids should be accorded with the same ‘respect’. Why should it be ok to flat out ask a kid such questions which serve no purpose to you anyway. Trust me I too am curious a lot but there is a line and some lines should not be crossed.

So yes bottom line, this is a rant and a reminder to myself and to other parents that kids are humans too, they have feelings, they are very aware and we as adults and as parents really need to learn to censor ourselves. Not just with adults because it is the politically right thing to do but also when speaking to or around a kid (because it is the decent thing to do) And to be absolutely blunt about it, if you can’t then I would rather you not speak to me or my child.

JahBella’s Mummy

I hadn’t intend for this to be my first post of 2016, in fact I didn’t intend to write such a post at all. But as I was reading my first book of 2016 (I only read 1 book last year, goodness!), I realised that I needed to document this as a reminder to myself for the year (and for always).

I just started reading “Don’t make me count to three” which essentially is a Christian Parenting book. I’ve only gotten through a couple of pages but the first few pages truly spoke to me and reminded me of our purpose in our kids’ lives.

All very timely since I also just read today on social media about how there are tons of people who regret having kids and apparently people are justifying it and making it seem like it is perfectly fine to ‘regret having your kids’.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days where we wonder what our lives would be like at that very moment if we decided to have kids later. But I absolutely do not regret having my kids, not even in the craziest and angriest moments do I regret them.

There are moments when frustration takes over and in recent days, we have felt these moments more often than we would like to and then I wonder if I am not doing a good enough job with them but regret? NEVER! We adore them and are truly blessed to have them in our lives.

Jah seems to be going through a rough time. We seem to be going through a rough time with his behavior and discipline. We have essentially tried every trick in the book but when we get an outburst or when he gets out of control, we just can’t get through to him like we normally do. It’s tiring, trying and altogether downright discouraging especially when we have to juggle work, kids and everything else in between. So when he misbehaves, we find ourselves misbehaving too. As frustration and irritation escalates, we resort to threats, shouting, giving him the cold shoulder and well spanking. Honestly none of which we are proud of and none of which even helps or changes his behaviour.

Then the book reminds me that I need to attend to his heart and not his behaviour. It reminded me that as much as I might want to ‘give up’ each time my kids challenge my patience and my sanity and as much as I might want to scream in defeat. I need to remember what I’m here for.

I’ve been given a chance to love, nurture, and mould these little beings. There is a reason why they were placed in our hearts and in our home.

It reminded me of Jah asking where he had come from and why he wasn’t in some of our earlier photos and why he only ‘appeared’ a few years later. It reminded me of my answer to him.

That he came from heaven, from God and Jesus.
That it took him and his sister alittle while to get to us because God and Jesus needed time to choose 2 of their most special Angels for us.

And now that they are finally here, it is our turn to take care of them and teach them how to be good children and good people.

So when patience run dry and tempers run high, we will need to remind ourselves of how blessed we are indeed to have these angels in our lives and focus on helping them as well as ourselves become better people..

Starting our parenting lovingly and patiently in 2016…:)