Parents Need To Learn To Censor Themselves

Posted in Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

It’s been awhile since I had last done one of our very over due holiday post and I was hoping to publish one this week but I’m afraid this rant has to take precedence.

This truly has been bugging me for some time and especially so in the last couple of weeks because we have had to deal with some nasty words that are being used at home.

Yes the children have been repeating certain words or phrases which they have picked up from somewhere. Words that we don’t use at all at home, not even in one of our angry moments when words slip so we know they are not ‘acquiring’ these phrases from home. While we know they have expanded their (unsavoury) vocabulary in school, we have total confidence that it is not from their teachers especially since the kids are able to pinpoint the source when they are questioned after being reprimanded. Ok before u let your imagination run wild on what words are being said/ used/ heard, let me clarify that some examples are like words/ phrases such as stupid (used directly on a person), shut your mouth/ shut up, you have no brains is it and fat witch (used on a person of authority). Perhaps these words may seem mild to any normal person and I may look like I’m overreacting but when I try hard to censor myself, the words I expose my kids to and teach them to be respectful, it just kills me that it gets undone just like that. Just because another parent is free with words that he or she uses with/ on his or her child. That being said, I recognise that I have no right to judge or question how someone else is parenting their child so I can only choose to deal with it by reprimanding my child, explaining that these words are not acceptable even if their friend is saying it and hope that a parent’s influence is larger than peer influence.

So then what am I ranting about?

Yes I am ranting about how parents really really need to censor themselves, not in front of their own kids (honestly I can’t help if we differ in opinions on the type of language that should be used) but please censor yourself in front of or when speaking to other people’s kids.

I honestly hope that fellow parents can have alittle more consideration and watch your language/ questions around other people’s kids. I think I have mentioned this before, I absolutely hate it when someone ask me or exclaims “oh why does he wear glasses” or “oh poor thing so young and he is wearing glasses”, right in front of my child. For your info, he is a living person and he can hear you. He also happens to have feelings, a sense of self worth and also understands English.

I also take offence when you approach my child and ask him questions about his appearance/ skin condition/ size. Unless you are a family member or his teacher, you have no business asking if all you are trying to do is satisfy your own curiosity. Because whatever your intention, good or bad, the child will not be able to discern. All he understood from the question, is the fact that an adult asked me about my appearance therefore there must be something different or wrong about it. And the last thing I want for my child is self confidence issues just because you were curious.

Just as no one (at least most people, safe for the ones with no EQ) would go up to another adult and ask why do you have pimples or why is your skin so oily or why are you so short? I think kids should be accorded with the same ‘respect’. Why should it be ok to flat out ask a kid such questions which serve no purpose to you anyway. Trust me I too am curious a lot but there is a line and some lines should not be crossed.

So yes bottom line, this is a rant and a reminder to myself and to other parents that kids are humans too, they have feelings, they are very aware and we as adults and as parents really need to learn to censor ourselves. Not just with adults because it is the politically right thing to do but also when speaking to or around a kid (because it is the decent thing to do) And to be absolutely blunt about it, if you can’t then I would rather you not speak to me or my child.

JahBella’s Mummy

11Oct2016

Perth, Western Australia Itinerary August 2016 – Day 5 Ngilgi Caves, Canal Rocks and Laurence Wines (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Posted in Holidays, Perth, Travel with Kids, Uncategorized by jahbella

Ask any little boy if he would like to visit a cave and his answer would probably be yes. However I wasn’t too sure if a cave visit would live up to the expectations that Jah had about what a cave really is like. So given that Margaret River has several caves to offer, I really had to research and think it through quite a bit before we finally decided that we would give Ngilgi Caves a shot.

Joel and I had visited a cave in Margaret River once and I remember that it was a long long walk down and back up. We had joined a Caves Tour and that meant that we had to keep up and move at a certain pace. Totally not ideal for the kids. We decided to go with Ngilgi Caves because its tour was a semi-guided tour.

There were tour slots available every half-hourly so we decided to go for the 1030am slot which allowed us to make a breakfast pit stop at Margaret River Chocolate Factory enroute to the caves. Yes who has chocolate for breakfast right? Well we do! :p

We got to the Cave about 10 minutes before the tour slot started. We were advised to bring the kids to the toilet first as we would probably spend about 45 minutes or so in the cave. We met our guide at a pre-designated spot (above ground) where we read about the story of the cave. The kids loved the story about good versus evil and it was a really good start to their ‘cave adventure’.

Our guide brought us underground into the cave and explained the direction that we should walk in and some ground rules. We essentially went down some steep stairs to get underground but the kids were ok with that. We were told that we would have to walk 500 steps down and then 500 steps to get back up. I started to get abit worried but was comforted by the fact that we brought our toddler carriers around in case the kids needed to be carried mid-way. Thankfully we didn’t need it because our 2 troopers were more than happy and excited to finish the 500 steps up and down. Jah was so busy counting stairs but yes eventually lost count!

Most of the steps were well-built and paved except for certain low hanging areas or some areas where proper in-built steps were not possible and the steps had to be carved out from the rocks/ walls. So I would advise for 1 able-bodied adult to handle 1 child and make sure they don’t lose their footing or lean to one side (as the stairs can be very narrow). Give very specific instruction to your kiddos and if they can’t follow the instructions that you might need to carry them. Recommended in a carrier because you also need your hands free to hold railings while climbing or find your balance. We finished our walk in an hour and the kids were absolutely elated and pleased with themselves. Excuse our really dark photos. 🙂

Because we had finished at 1130am and still had abit of time to spare before lunch (we did have a really filling breakfast at 930am), we decided to pitstop at Canal Rocks which is a 5 minutes drive away. I’m so glad that we took that stop because the view at Canal Rocks was absolutely wonderful! I have this thing for the oceans and magnificent crashing waves as you may have noticed by now. So this place was an absolute gem! We were wondering why we had never been here in all our years of visiting Margaret River. We could have stood there in awe all morning. Videos can be found on our Instagram account.

We headed to Laurence Wines for lunch after that breath of fresh air. Honestly I don’t quite remember much about the food or wines there but the reason I am mentioning it, is because there is a pretty decent playground right next to the outdoor tables. Decent enough for the kids to play and expend their energy while you do your wine tasting at your own table. Yes, Laurence Wines allows you to purchase a tasting paddle and you can taste 6 different wines at your table. So no need to stand at the cellar door while worrying what the kids are up to. That being said, I would advise you to keep a look out for the kids as the playground is not enclosed and they might run in the direction of the open lake which is about 500m away.

We truly had a very relaxing Day 5 (our final day at Margaret River on this trip) and everyone was really happy! 🙂

Now for our 4 hour drive back to Perth and the second half of our adventure!

Click here to read more about our red eye flight into Perth 🙂

Day 1 – Day 1 Rockingham, Busselton Jetty (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 2 – Wonky Windmill Farm and Orchard Picking (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 3 Margaret River Farmer’s Market and Yallingup Maze (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 4 Whale Watching Cruise and Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse (Margaret River Roadtrip)
JahBella’s Mummy

6Sep2016

Perth, Western Australia Itinerary August 2016 – Day 1 Rockingham, Busselton Jetty (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Posted in Holidays, Perth, Tips with Kids, Travel with Kids, Uncategorized by jahbella

I had worked out many itinerary permutations before the trip and finally settled on one that would see us driving straight to Margaret River (MR) after being fresh (no pun intended) off a red eye/ 5am landing. This would allow us to only break up the trip once and be back in Perth after 5 days in MR.

Travelling with kids on a road trip called for a lot of advance planning eg. Where would we be stopping for meals or breaks? Unlike the couple road trips where we could do many spontaneous stops or leg stretches. With kids, we had to ensure that we got to the destination in the least amount of time possible but still having sufficient meal breaks and possibly even an ‘entertainment’ or ‘attraction’ break.

We landed in Perth at 5am and proceeded to bundle the kids up in their winter jackets + ski gloves. Yes we looked ridiculous and kiasu in that airport but I reckon we looked really smart and warm :p once we hit the 5deg cold to get to our rental car.

It was going to be a 4 hour drive and so we decided to stop enroute at Rockingham for breakfast. The drive was about 1.5hours long because we had to travel pretty slowly in the rain and with foggy windows (took us awhile to figure out how to get the anti fog on).

We settled for a warm ham and cheese crossiant and hot chocolate at Lulu’s cafe. It was nice to be out of the cold and in a warm toasty cafe with a electric fire place next to our table. Almost didn’t want to leave. There is also a nice playground across the road from the cafe which would have been an ideal run around for the kids if the weather was warmer.

With our tummies full, we continued our drive towards MR and intended to take a lunch and ‘entertainment’ stop at Busselton Jetty.

We drove another 2 hours before we got there, thankfully the kids dozed off on that leg of the journey. We normally don’t allow sleeping in the car but this time we were glad they were getting some rest and we were getting some quiet and were able to focus on the road. And I honestly enjoyed the adult car conversations we were finally able to have without a child either interrupting us or having to have ‘speed’ conversations or updates while on our way to pick the kids. No guilt, the kids were in the car (asleep) and we had 2 whole hours of conversation time. 🙂

We got to Busselton just in time for the 11am jetty train ride. The train ride about 2+km down the jetty would take about 45 min there and back with an approx 8 mins stop at the end of the jetty. You can also choose to walk if you like. It started pouring almost as soon as we got out of our car so we were super glad that our beanies and gloves were all accessible in our handcarry and not packed away. Yes even for the adults! Phew! The kids love the train ride and the cold didn’t bother them as much as it did us.

Everyone was ready for some lunch after our little train adventure and we headed to The Goose which is a restaurant right next to the jetty. We have been to this restaurant many times over the years. It used to be a restaurant that serves tapas but serves mostly your usual mains now.

We only had a 1 hour drive left from Busselton to MR after this (easy peasy) and we got to our accommodation just shy of 2pm and just in time for our afternoon nap. If your kids don’t need a nap then you would still have lots of time to explore some vineyards or taste some local produce.

So this was pretty much how we survived 18 hours on the ‘road’- from leaving home at 8pm till we settled at our MR accommodation at 2pm the next day. To be honest it was really an awesome Day 1 with these kiddos and we couldn’t wait for Day 2!

JahBella’s Mummy

Click here to read more about our red eye flight into Perth 🙂

Day 2 – Wonky Windmill Farm and Orchard Picking (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 3 – Margaret River Farmer’s Market and Yallingup Maze (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 4 Whale Watching Cruise and Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse (Margaret River Roadtrip)

Day 5 Ngilgi Caves, Canal Rocks and Laurence Wines (Margaret River Roadtrip)

More coming up…:)

1Sep2016

To my children – A letter about life and love

Posted in Letters, Our Thoughts, Parenting decisions, Uncategorized by jahbella

Do you at times think back to your childhood or growing up years and remember some of the words of wisdom which your parents may have repeated to you ever so often. Words that you may have rolled your eyes at in your youth but find yourself repeating to your kids in some form or another now. Well I know I do.

These words of wisdom were often about life, choice of friends and the eventual choice of a life partner. And as much as we rolled our eyes at those words, I have a feeling our parents did enough ‘drilling’ over the years for those words to have some impact on the choices we have made in life and on defining who we are today.

So here are some of my ‘words of wisdom’ that I hope to impart to my son and daughter.

To both my children

Life is never fair. Trust me, you will come across enough obstacles, failures and even successes in your lifetime to help you realise that. But the earlier in life you accept this fact, the faster and easier it will be for you to pick yourself up after each failure and face the next obstacle again. Because it is only when you accept this fact that you will stop throwing tantrums about life and stop playing the blame game. You will learn to, as cliche as it sounds, make lemonade out of lemons that life serves you and you will be happier.

Life will also throw many curveballs at you and some may even rock the very foundation your life is built upon. For your sake, I hope you encounter enough curveballs to keep you grounded but none of the foundation shattering ones.

When life throws you these curveballs, Pray. Don’t be mistaken, praying will not make them go away but praying will give you the strength and faith to carry on.

To my Son

Be a gentleman. Open doors and pull out chairs. Chilvary may be dead for some people but needing to be thoughtful and respectful is very much alive.

Do not carry her handbag. Not mine or your sister’s, not your girlfriend’s or your wife’s. Instead offer to carry her bags, her loads and her burdens but don’t be offended if she declines.

Allow your other half to be an equal to you. Listen to her opinions and trust her instincts. Allow her to drive you.

Allow her to cry and never ever belittle her tears or emotions. Be honoured that she is opening up her vulnerabilities and insecurities to you. If you don’t know what to do, just embrace her.

You will make friends and enemies. You need to be able to tell one from another. Sometimes it is not easy to tell the difference.

Always put your family first. Even in the face of building your career and wanting to provide for your family. Know that a powerful and successful man is one who goes home to a family who loves, knows and adores him and those emotions are not bought with money or gifts.

Love.

To my Daughter

Empower yourself. No matter how heavy those bags are, learn to carry them on your own. Do not make your partner carry your handbag.

Learn to drive a car. It will put you in control of your own time and give you the freedom and independence you need so that you never need to wait around to be ferried. Trust me, it will make a difference to your relationship.

Be strong, be independent and walk along side your partner as an equal but never get so carried away in this new era of female equality and independence that you forget to be vulnerable.

Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to be emotional (well just not irrational emotional), ask for help when you need it and don’t be afraid to let him help you with the bags (just not the handbag :p). I know this sounds like a whole bag of contradictions – why are you asking me to let him carry my bags but yet want me to be strong enough to carry my own bags.

It is simple my little girl, you need to make sure that you are a strong, independent and stable woman in your own right before you can be part of a meaningful relationship of equals.

You need to be with someone who is willing to take care of you but will not belittle your strength. You need to be with someone whom you feel safe enough to open your insecurities and vulnerabilities to and know that he will still see you as an equal.

Love.

JahBella’s Mummy

29Aug2016

SIN – PER Business Class with kids (Red eye flight)

Posted in Holidays, Perth, Tips with Kids, Travel with Kids, Uncategorized by jahbella

So as some of you might remember, our last attempt on a red eye flight was last year during our return flight from Tokyo to Singapore. We landed in Singapore at 7am and were honestly worse for wear. Thankfully we were on home ground and could recuperate in our own home and on our own terms but it was certainly not a good day :p

So this time I was really hesitant to even consider the idea of a red eye flight at the start of the trip. What’s worse is the fact that the flight lands at 5am which means the cabin would be prepped for landing by 4am. Lights would be switched on, announcements would be made, seats would have to be upright and yeah you know the drill But given our itinerary constraints which would ideally see us making our 4 hour road trip drive into Margaret River at the start of our trip and preferably reaching MR at 2pm rather than 7pm (during winter). We had to bite the bullet and figure some way through it.

Joel was actually very garang about just figuring it out and making it (the sleep) work. But given that Bella didn’t sleep a wink on the red eye Tokyo flight and Joel was a zombie after. I was not risking it and letting a zombie drive us for 4 hours. My solution? Redeeming business class tickets all round and hoping that this means everyone would be able to fall asleep in a slightly more comfy environment.

Of course the thought of bringing 2 kids into business class at 12 midnight scared the hell out of me. What if they didn’t sleep and caused a ruckus, disturbing every other passenger in the process. But I have to say, fear unfounded. In fact if there was any flight to put kids in business class, a red eye is definitely it. I don’t know about babies and really little kids but a 3 and 5 year old who have a pretty fixed and stable sleep schedule would do just fine.

So how did our flight go?

The kids were strangely peckish at 12midnight so instead of having our meals for breakfast at 3am. We decided to ask for the meals to be served after take off (about 1am) and let them sleep throughout.

Bella dozed off as soon as the plane took off at midnight and totally missed her meal service. She didn’t get up until almost 5am when she sensed the flurry of activities around her. A stark difference from her Tokyo red night so mummy’s efforts to ensure that the adults especially the driver would get sleep too, worked!

Jah, on the other hand seemed determined to enjoy the ‘perks’ of his flight. He stayed up till his meal was served. Thoroughly enjoyed the starter of crossiants and fruits and then was too full for the fish congee main that was served after. He even noticed that real cutlery, China and tablecloth were used. Good spotting Jah! The boy went to sleep straight after and didn’t wake until we landed. 🙂

While our flight (A330) did not offer a full flat bed as it was a regional product. The kids did just fine on the flat recline beds as they were much shorter and it was almost like a flat bed for them.

Joel and I got up very comfortably half an hour before landing to freshen up and we were able to keep the kids sleeping till the last minute which minimised any crankiness at being dragged out of ‘bed’ at 5am.

Oh and if there is 1 tip I have for travelling with young kids on a red eye..it would be to bring a toddler carrier if your child still uses one or doesn’t mind being in one. No child is going to willingly walk from a plane through to immigration and then to the luggage belt at 5am. We back carried both kids from the plane all the way to the arrival hall on our toddler sized Tulas and it was a hands free and stress free process all round. 🙂

Now hopefully our return evening flight will be as stress free too 😡